Stress makes me single minded. When I am stressed my mind races and I focus on it and very little else. It makes it very difficult for me to focus or get anything done. I sit and turn things over and over in my mind thinking about every possible situation and outcome, trying to plan, trying to fix it. For me it’s about control. No matter how much I remind myself that the only thing I can control in any given situation is my reaction, I keep flashing through images trying to find something I can control. Or I come up with scenario after scenario, running through confrontations and conversations in my head trying to gauge my reaction to things that haven’t happened yet and very likely never will.

My stressor that has been gone for several weeks is back. I got less than three hours of sleep last night because of it.  I never thought work would be a sanctuary for me, but that’s what it has become. Anything to get away from the house. And yet, when I’m here, things continue to bounce around my head. Biking is just about the only thing that completely clears my head right now and so my commute to and from work has become faster and more grueling in an effort to silence all the crap in my head. I am pounding up hills, trying to make my legs ache and my lungs burn because it makes me feel better. It makes me feel in control.

I have a little over 16 weeks left. Not enough time to get all the work done that I would like and too much time to spend in this situation. Any advice would be appreciated. Jokes, rambling responses and efforts to distract me are equally awesome.